Round like a shot… Going to bed the other night, I noticed people in my shed stealing things. I phoned the police but was told there was no one in the area to help. The policeman said they would send someone over as soon as possible. I hung up.

A minute later I rang again. ‘Hello’, I said, ‘I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don’t have to hurry now, because I’ve shot them.’ Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, plus helicopters and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the officers said: ‘I thought you said you’d shot them.’ To which I replied: ‘I thought you said there was no one available.’ :biggrin_old: